Persuasion Lessons Gleaned From Stephen Covey
People see things differently. The image below was used by Stephen Covey in a keynote address to approximately 200 attendees. Prior to showing this image, half the room was shown an image of a young, attractive, sophisticated lady and the other half shown an older, unattractive woman. Both the younger lady and the older woman are clearly captured in this image. Can you see them both?
Image via Hubpages
Sticking to Our Guns
We are all consistent with our values and beliefs and we will always act and behave in alignment with them. What’s more, the more public we are with our declarations, the less likely we are to change our position. If we have yet to take a position, we conform to the beliefs of the groups we most identify with.
When Covey’s entire audience was shown this image and asked to describe what they saw, the controversy was comical. Based on what each half was conditioned to see, they saw what was in alignment with that condition. Half of the audience saw the young lady and the other half saw the older woman.
Finally, when they were shown how the other paradigm was also correct, they reluctantly agreed. It was hard for people to change their minds and see the other’s perspective.
By the way, those that did not see either of the conditioned responses were able to quickly see that which their group saw. In other words, they were heavily influenced by their peer group.
Recognizing Our Client’s Paradigm
Our challenge when it comes to persuasion is to recognize our client’s paradigm, align it with our own, and then create a joint solution. The key is to first seek to understand their paradigm and encourage them to show you how they see things.
Once you can see it from their perspective, you can move to seek to be understood from the same, congruent perspective. Even if you are right, but inconsistent with your client’s paradigm, you will not convince your client.
Remember:
“A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.”
This principle to always act in a manner consistent with how you see yourself is called congruency and it is one of the 6 Principles of Emotion.
Focusing on Congruency
Congruency is about being consistent with your beliefs, values, and commitments.
- Commitments: Once a stand is taken, there is pressure to bring the belief in line with action.
- Social Proof: The greater the number of people that find any idea correct, the more people will conform to the idea. Let others do the persuading for you.
What to Do and Say
- Discover what others value and be consistent with it.
- Unify under common goals.
- Anchor commitments by asking others to make them public or write them down.
- Declare your intent and others will trust in your consistency.
- Use third party validation.
- Acknowledge the best virtues in others.
Ready to learn more persuasion lessons as well as the other five principles of emotion? Download the eBook below!